I suppose I should start there so you can get a better understanding of this blog. Minus the graphic detail that will send shivers and chills down your spine. (If you get triggered by this or can easily be triggered I protest you don’t read it.
So it all started when I was about 8, or at least that is the earliest I remember.
My dad used to jump on me and my brother till we couldn’t breathe, lock us in car boot and drive around. I remember every time my mum used to go out we would run and lock ourselves in the bathroom. Living in fear is not the way to live or for a child to develop.
One time when I was 11 I walked in on my dad sexually abusing my brother (as I now know it to be called) while having pornographic material on show for my brother. My brother was 10 at the time. My dad immediately chased after me and blackmailed me into not telling my mother by saying we would end up in Foster care and never see my mum again. Needless to say I was naive enough to fall for that at that age.
Looking back into my childhood I can see why I thought I was so damaged and held onto so much guilt for many years.
This was just one of the first things I went through that made me feel broken, useless and guilty.
I suppose the thing I take away from this now is that I survived and I live a much better life than I did for the first 21 years+ of mine.
If you have or do manage to read this. Know that you can survive aswell.
Being a Survivor! 